One of my absolute favorite Christmas songs is Amy Grant’s Grown Up Christmas List.
I love this song because the words clearly illustrate the wishes of my heart. I know that it is naïve to believe that world peace can be achieved overnight. However, I do believe that each of us has the capacity within us to make some of these wishes come true in the lives of others around us thus making our small corners of the world just a little better to live in. We can be the friend. We can fight for what is right. We can love hard and well.
It’s 3 days before Christmas Day, 3 days of people rushing about trying to complete their holiday shopping. For myself, I opted out of participating in gift exchanges this year so to focus on my conference next month. Instead, I will offer you some of the intangible gifts I have tried to give in their place.
To an enemy, Forgiveness
This has been an ongoing effort for me. In August 2017, I began what I call a “Forgiveness Journey”. Each of us has “unfinished business” with people in our pasts whether it be with family, friends, co-workers, etc… In my spare time, I’ve written letters to both those that have hurt me and to those I have hurt. In some cases, I have had the opportunity to speak to the person face to face. I’ve journaled separately the outcomes of some of these encounters. Forgiveness is no easy thing. It is both hard to give and even harder to ask for when you’re the one that was wrong. Not every outcome has had the ideal happy ending I’ve desired; but with each I have taken away valuable lessons. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does change the future. It allows you to move forward in peace.
To an opponent, Tolerance
I do not agree with everything people say and do. Who does? However, I endeavor to be at least open minded enough to always hear a person out. At the end of the day, I do not believe that our opponents actually want us to agree with everything they say and do. Maybe they do, and I am just naïve. I believe instead, that most people just want to be heard, recognized, valued and understood. Tolerance fulfills these deepest needs of human beings.
To a friend, Your Heart
To two friends in the last couple of months, I’ve given bare bones honesty at the risk of losing both friendships. However, I had to speak what was on my heart or I wasn’t truly being a friend. Sharing your heart with a friend means being genuine and authentic. We can’t tell friends simply what they want to hear. To another friend who lost his father this year, all I can really offer is an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and words of support and encouragement. There are many ways to share your heart with a friend.
To a Customer, Service
It has always been my firm belief that most people we meet are “customers” of some kind. We have an opportunity to serve each and every person we meet whether that be something as simple as buying the coffee of the person in the vehicle behind you in the drive thru, letting the person behind you in line at the store with less merchandise go in front of you, offering a wave and smile to the neighbors outside when you are taking a walk around the neighborhood, or picking up the piece of garbage you walk by and throwing it out even though the janitor would have picked it up eventually. Each of these are acts of service. Service is the very purpose of life and the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.
To every child, A Good Example
Like most, I have made some poor choices in my life. What disappointed me most about these choices was the fact that I felt like they let down the younger siblings I had looking up to me. Because of this recognition, I have strived since to make better decisions—decisions anchored in honesty and integrity. While of course my siblings are no longer children—they’re adults, I still feel a responsibility to be the best I can be for them. My oldest sister has two children of her own, ages 7 and 5 now. As their aunt, I have a duty to provide them a positive example. Children see, hear and feel everything. They close their ears to advice but open their eyes to example.
To yourself, Respect
Like forgiveness, this is an ongoing effort for me. I have had to learn to give myself enough respect to walk away from anything that no longer serves me, grows me or makes me happy—even if it initially causes me pain. When you don’t respect yourself, you surrender pieces of your soul that you can never get back. Know your worth. Treat yourself well.
To all, Charity
“He who gives money gives much; he who gives time gives more; he who gives of himself gives all.” There is nobility in compassion, beauty in empathy and grace in giving—they all make a difference. Offer freely.
The greatest gifts are not wrapped in paper, but in love. PRESENCE is more meaningful than PRESENTS.
